Birth family reunions and resources

Upon turning 21, I began to search for my birth mother. Although mutual consent registries were beginning to operate, before the internet I wasn't aware of the largest free service in the world, the International Soundex Reunion Registry which began in 1975. I signed up for the services I knew about, then began to explore other paths hoping one would lead me to my birth mother and birth family. Private investigators were expensive and offered no guarantees. My perception of some firms I spoke with was ... they are exploiting lost souls. Back then I was told that with closed adoptions, information could be bought...for a price. Then in the 80's, a co-worker who had adopted siblings told me about the International Soundex Reunion Registry. I hadn't tried that one, and hearing her sister's success, I was optimistic. I requested their questionnaire, completed it promptly and mailed it back to Nevada. Just two days later, I received the phone call...WE have a match!!!

Indeed that was the first day of the rest and best of my life! There are other sites as well. For those seeking to re-unite, be sure to keep the registry sites updated with your current contact information. www.ISRR.com is the most comprehensive...as a mutual consent registry, there is no fear of rejection.

Other sites include www.adoption.com and www.iwasadopted.com In an imperfect world, not all birthmothers register to re-unite with their children. Private investigators can assist. They will get information for you, however, having contact information in hand doesn't necessarily mean your contact will be welcomed.

Among the many private investigation firms that provide searches are www.kinsolving.com and www.omnitrace.com Fees vary, typically between $1300-$1800 for contact info to birth mother, bio-siblings or next of kin.

Infants and children are surrendered for many reasons. Frequently adoptees imagine we were given away because we were not wanted, not loved, or there was something lacking inside ourselves. Often we are haunted by these thoughts and allow them to color our perceptions of the world around us as well as our own place in relationships.

Sometimes, people who adopt seek to fill a void in their lives. My own birth mother adopted two children herself, unable to birth another child. Knowing and loving her as an adult, my perception has blossomed to a richer and fuller understanding.

Each person's experience and point of view is valid and honored. Presently this blog is supplemented with a podcast on Adoption Dynamics, recorded alternate Thursdays @ 9:30 AM Pacific time. On November 12th and 26th, 2009, we invite guests to call 347 237-4584 with their comments. My co-host, Minoshia Gail Humphrey, and I are both adopted and have very different experiences and attitudes. We want to hear YOURS! YOUR questions, feelings and thoughts are always welcome on this post as well. Adoptees, adoptive and birth families...we want to hear from you. We love you all.