Over the past few months, I've been trading sessions with holistic practitioners using a variety of processes and techniques to resolve trauma (in contrast to traditional counseling therapy). Tho we may not recognize within ourselves, early childhood traumas affect adult decision-making and stress responses. I'm delighted to make recommendations to practitioners who can help my readers resolve this lingering negative emotional energy.
Continuing to heal myself along this journey, in the past week consulting with several practitioners I deeply respect, recognize that for me, part of the "lost" feeling I held most of my life, was the detachment from the infant I was coming into this world.
Surrendered at birth for adoption, the couple that raised me told me that I was adopted and beyond that didn't want to discuss it. They did celebrate each year, that date as a second birthday of sorts. I was told they had no info about my biological family, only that I was born in Detroit and not given a name because I was given away. Just over 3 months later they adopted me and legally established my name as Pamela Sue. The "Sue" part, I was told, after my Dad's hunting dog. My adoptive family seemed to get a kick out of that.
Never really resonated with "Pamela", preferred Pam. Only my Grandmother and a couple of dear friends called me "Pammie". When finally I was re-united with my biological family in my thirties, Mom told me that she chose to name me "Robin Beth" at birth. I wished I had that name...still changing my name seemed "disrespectful" to my adoptive family, and confusing to my children and in the workplace.
Getting clarity in my life's mission, I'm recognizing there is no better time to integrate "Robin". In full honor of my deceased (adoptive) Father, my maiden name "Michell" is an absolute given.
Adoptive parents frequently change their child's name to symbolically make the child their own...with a fresh start. Even when we genuinely love and respect our adoptive families, frequently we feel detached on some levels. For me, this detachment (and trauma) began when my entire identity was "invalidated". And reinforced every time I heard about Dad's dog Susie.
Recognizing I'll have to jump through some legal processes, I understand I can begin introducing myself, or asking to be called "Robin" or any other name. Because I'm building a following as a domestic violence advocate and author, the sooner I make this distinction, the better for branding purposes...definately before the next print run on business cards!
Over the weekend, "Pamela Robin" began integration...not feeling "Pamela" was just about ready to reclaim "Robin Beth", retaining my legal maiden name. A little voice inside is saying "Pammie Robin" and its getting louder. At last, she's found herself. May I introduce... Pammie Robin Michell. She loves you very much. Stay blessed.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
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