Adoptees...a hidden demographic

Ironic how tv portrays family life in America. As a child, I remember watching Leave It to Beaver...in contrast to the less traditional elements of Family Affair in the 60s. In the 70's, family dysfunction began seeping its way into television programming. Crime dramas and now reality-based shows illuminate the darker side of our societal models.

For decades, we've been fascinated and entertained watching dynamics of communication in families, workplaces and communities. As relationships and communication evolved, one very obscure group has been left behind...seldom addressed, almost completely un-noticed.

We're quiet. We don't stand out and frequently don't stand up. As much as we are vastly different, our similarities are staggering. And our extended family, community, and co-workers are affected...the later two, typically, without a clue. Hours after my birth, I became one of this group. I am an adoptee. Welcome to my lemonade stand.

Adoptees think differently; we have a kink in our chain of evolution. Absent the foundational roots, frequently traumatized by separation as an infant or young child, our coping and communication skills differ dramatically from our peers. Often we've spent a lifetime feeling separate or that we didn't belong...most likely, never sharing these thoughts or feelings. The truth be told, we feel guilty, sometimes ungrateful, for even having these thoughts.

My first read of The Celestine Prophecy was bittersweet...as I began to understand so many missing connections. One of the book's premises is that whatever circumstances or issues aren't resolved in one generation serve as an obstacle for the generation or generations that follow. Before re-uniting with my birth family, I couldn't even begin to understand the challenges I was destined to face...not to mention the baggage that would be left for my children or my children's children to clean up, if I didn't get it right.

Understandably, adoptive families seek to draw adopted children into their new families...sometimes almost competitively, seeking to gain the loyalty of the new member. The adopted child may feel they were abandoned or unwanted by his or her birth family. Most often, it is more complicated. Frequently at the time, the birth mother and her family believed adoption was the best option for mother and child.

Not all adoptive families should have children. They should anticipate challenges...with abandonment issues, rejection, forming attachments and relationships. Conditioned to accept being treated as less desirable or lovable than our peers, our expectations are not the same. Eager to please, to fit in, we are quiet. We don't make waves. Often, as we mature, we accept emotional or physical abuse in intimate relationships.

So, how do we break the cycle? First, we must recognize it. Once we are aware, we can begin to shift our thoughts and feelings. Usually, with people we don't know well, we have no idea whether or not they were adopted. Still, most of us do know someone who is adopted or who has adopted a child. YOUR awareness and support...your referral...can provide immense relief.

To honor and validate their viewpoints and experiences, ADOPTION DYNAMICS provides a forum for discussion and techniques for bridging the gaps. With a blog, bi-monthly podcasts, and live discussion forums, we open the dialogue. Now human software engineering, developed by Great Life Technologies (www.greatlifetechnologies.com) for treatment of post traumatic stress, allows adoptees and their next generations to more closely mirror the evolution and progress of our peers.

Organic, refreshing, and naturally sweet, this lemonade quenches the thirst of adoptees and others whose safety or protection has been seriously violated.

Stay tuned...an "Intervention" style reality show may soon illustrate dysfunction and treatment, post-trauma. Your referrals, to bring our live discussion forums to community groups, are sincerely appreciated and your comments, always welcome.